What makes you angry in your marriage?
When she squeezes the toothpaste in the middle instead of rolling it up from the end.
When he is a cover hog. Tucks himself in and then rolls over.
When she gets done using your vehicle and doesn’t put the seat back for you.
When he puts the toilet paper roll on the wrong way.
Okay, so those are stupid little things, but what if a major decision was made and you were left out of the process?
Getting angry is really not the problem; it’s what we do with our anger that becomes a problem.
Do you blow up? Or do you stuff it and become passive-aggressive?
Do you explode or bury it and start manipulating and playing games? When we do either of these we are not handling our anger correctly.
One of my marriage mentors Dave Wilson said something that I thought was great. He said our anger is plugged into something and it may not be from the current situation.
A husband may lay into his wife after work but he’s not really angry at her but his boss who insulted him earlier in the day.
A wife may take things out on her husband when really she is hurt by an insult her girlfriend threw at her the night before.
Dave went on to say that some of our anger can be traced back a week earlier, or a month earlier or it’s possible, even from years earlier. From a previous marriage or way back from our childhood.
Then Dave said, “We need to figure out what our anger is plugged into and unplug it. We need to trace the cord back and see what it is plugged into and still causing trouble today.”
Dave and I agree that this is where a good counselor comes in handy.
Some people think counseling is not necessary. I think watching a good counselor counsel is like watching a talented artist paint. It is a gift and it can be used for our good. God can use it in a powerful way in our lives.
Trace your anger back, or have someone help you trace your anger back so you can unplug it and stop taking your anger out on your spouse and kids.
Does this really work? My wife Carol will tell you that her husband Brett is a different person than the angry man she married back in 1989. With a little help from my friends, I was able to identify and unplug the anger that was coming from my childhood.
What makes you angry?